


Readiness

by averyk4



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, POV Kylo Ren, POV Second Person, TFA spoilers, Tag Rambling, after tfa, also kind of a tfa/eu fix it, because i love eu so much, but it isn't really a fix it, just like a casual mention, self indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 05:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5485673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyk4/pseuds/averyk4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren awoke, stronger than before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Readiness

The first time you wake, it’s only for a moment. Medics – and Hux, although he’s standing further back, worried, _frightened_ – look over you, applying bandages, fussing over you.

You can feel yourself drifting back into the darkness of dreaming, allow sleep to overtake you.

~*~

Your dreams are fraught with memories, yours and others mingling to create unfathomable worlds, worlds where you weren’t born alone, where you weren’t the first and last child of Han Solo and Leia Organa. Worlds where you have a different name.

The lives of Sith long dead, sought out by you in attempt after attempt to purge the lightness from within, spring forth, unbidden. You watch as a hundred different Ben Solos are struck down by as many others – family, Sith, _Jedi_ – and you watch as you drag yourself out of the ashes, reborn as Kylo Ren, reborn stronger and more powerful than anyone could know.

Luke Skywalker calls out to you, again and again in your dreams, begging you to return, promising forgiveness. It tastes of lies.

Ben Solos' parents swear that they just want _their son_ home, they want their Ben back. They don’t understand that he is dead to them forever.

The brother and sister you never had, for reasons you don’t know, cry out, ask you to return to the light lest they be forced to strike you down themselves.

The cousin you might still have, although she wears a different name, a different face, promises you that she will kill you. You fear she might.

But in the end, they are all just dreams, echoes of what have been, not of what _will be._

~*~

 _Pain_.

It’s almost suffocating – you can feel yourself being pulled under again. Want to let it send you back into sleep. _No_. That is the way of the light, of everything you have rejected and everything you fear you might become.

You amplify the pain, let it harden you, bring you into full consciousness. It feel _good._

Your eyes open and you’re momentarily blinded by bright light – shutting them again has spots of white dancing across your vision. You can hear Hux nattering to someone – the force tells you it’s Phasma, even if her voice is unintelligible – above the gentle thrum of a transport shuttles ion drive.

Neither has noticed your change in consciousness yet.

“If he dies, Supreme Leader will kill us both.”

“He will not die, Hux. He is strong. Do you really think a _scavenger_ and FN-2187 could finish him off?”

You choose to relegate their words to a nattering in the back of your mind – you’ve never been interested in idle chatter, especially when it’s about yourself. Let Hux think what he’d like – you will show him the true power of the dark side soon enough.

They haven’t changed you out of the clothes you wore on Starkiller, and the dampness of melting snow is irritating enough to cause you to sit up. Sticky wetness follows, and you grimace, wincing when you feel the pull of damaged skin and muscle along your face.

Hux and Phasma have gone silent, noticed you’re moving, and when you speak, it’s in a hoarse whisper. “Water.”

A medic rushes to your side, handing you a sloshing canteen. Drinking deeply, you savour the feeling of moistness along the back of your throat and wonder how long you had been sleeping. When it’s empty, you hand it back silently to the medic, not sparing them a second glance. “Tell me what happened.”

Hux clears his throat, begins a long winded explanation that feels like a lie, but you haven’t the energy to call him out on it. You want to see what Supreme Leader will tell him, do to him, when he senses it himself. The thought warms you, but the overly familiar pang of _wrong_ from the light side is enough to make you frown.

You thought you had expelled that from you when you committed patricide, ran your blade through him, watched the fear and the understanding wash over him, watched him fall.

Your hand slams on the table involuntarily, making everyone save Phasma jump, clearly familiar with the unbridled rage you always keep simmering, always ready to explode and unleash.

Rage, anger, emotion is the way of the dark side, and you are a model student.

“We’re going to see Supreme Leader.” You phrase it as a statement, not a question, but Hux agrees, informing you of the Supreme Leaders promise to complete your training. You nod once, in understanding, almost smiling at the confusion on Huxs’ face. It’s precious, truly. Standing, you ask a medic to bring you new clothes, waiting impatiently as you watch them busy themselves.

A voice over in the intercom informs everyone, grainy and barely understood, that they were in the process of making the final approach to Supreme Leader’s mobile fortress – an artifact from the times before the Sith Wars, from before Darth Bane rose out of the ashes of the old order and forged one anew. You can feel the energy roll off of it in waves, allow it to invigorate your faith in the dark side, allow it to align you with the true power of the force.

As you step off the transport ship, you crack the smallest of smiles. You are prepared to become the grandson your grandfather always deserved.

You are ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is so short/self-indulgent. Come yell at me about it on tumblr at either sherlollian or kyloknightofren.


End file.
